Every day I get stuff by email that purports to make me some sort of compelling offer, something that some dill out there kids himself (herself?) that I need.

It often starts:

Dear Alan (wrong spelling)

I am the CEO of Buttstuffers & Co, we are experts at something that we know will add  50% to your bottom line.  Hopefully you are the right person for us to talk to. (I do not care who is the CEO of Buttstuffers, I do not know  who they are, what they do, all I care about is how in hell they got my name, and yes, I am the right person, because I can ignore you, or more satisfyingly, tell you to piss off)

I would like to offer you a free ???????????, guaranteed to work for you, just to demonstrate our goodwill. (too late, my quotient of goodwill disappeared when you misspelt my name, and since then you have just managed to annoy me)

Download our free whitepaper now for more information. (Why would I do that, all it does is confirm an email address, and give you more information to throw  more crap at me that demonstrates you are simply full of it)

We are experts at:

Marketing automation

Marketing ROI

SEO

Creating client relationships

Etc,etc.etc.

(If you were expert in any of this, which I seriously doubt,  you would not have sent  me this. In former times, you would be selling snake oil)

It gets really tiresome, marketing flatulence like this just  gives those of us who genuinely care about what you think, and how your business can improve, and how our expertise and experience may assist, a bad name.

I tell my clients it is part of the price we pay for the tools that the web delivers, but nevertheless, flatulence smells bad irrespective of the cause.

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