I was recently asked to turn my mind and experience to the question of mentoring, and to reflect on the benefits and pitfalls that may be present.
Over the years, I have had the benefit of a couple of mentors who profoundly influenced my view of the world, and in turn, have set out to pass on these lessons to others.
At the core of a mentoring relationship is the opportunity to engage in ways not easily replicated in the normal run of activities in an enterprise. Attributed to Benjamin Franklin is the sentence: ‘Tell me and I will forget, show me and I will remember, engage me and I will learn’. Over 45 years of commercial life, this simple observation has proven to be absolutely true.
The means of engagement comes from Greek philosopher Socrates, and as a result is commonly called the ‘Socratic Method’. It relies on leading someone to a conclusion by asking questions. By driving towards a conclusion that the mentee reaches by themselves, being directed by questions, the impact will be greater, as they will be fully engaged.
Objective of a mentor/mentee relationship.
To pass on experience, both professional and life, that enables the mentee to develop their capabilities and skills faster than would otherwise have been possible.
The role of a mentor is:
- Develop the mentee professionally and personally. To achieve this requires mutual trust and respect, which has to be earned, as it will not be just given, in either direction.
- A precursor of trust is that there is a clear understanding that mutual confidentiality will be maintained.
- Listen to the words, and understand the meaning of the words of the mentee, as a means to ensure there is clear understanding of the questions, problems, and personal nuances present.
- Help the mentee to solve their own problems themselves, do not do it for them, but assist in the process by questioning.
- Not to expect, or want the mentee to be a clone of yourself. Everyone is different, and those differences of experience and perspective should be encouraged and leveraged.
- Advocate for the mentee, offering exposure and guidance to others in the enterprise, and to the challenges that emerge in every organisation and personal career.
- Deliver appropriate resources to the mentee when they will be most useful
- Act as a role model
The process of mentoring
- Establish ground rules, goals, and mutual expectations early on.
- Do a ‘needs’ assessment and gap analysis, that recognises the strengths and weaknesses of the mentee, as well as their opportunities for growth. The gap analysis should be influenced by the next logical step, mentee aspirations, and observed/agreed weaknesses that require being addressed.
- Agree mutual goals for the process, together. What are the expectations and goals of both parties?
- Agree a formal contact schedule, supplemented by the ‘rules’ that may apply around informal contact.
- Listen and question, rather than advising, and only advise after listening. This should be an iterative process, and advice should be the last item, well after questions that are often ‘What if’, ‘Why not’, or ‘How’, have been exhausted
- Let them make their own decisions and understand the consequences of accountability, and the buzz that comes from it.
- Be mutually accountable
- Recognise, address and be transparent about your own biases.
- Build trust, an authentic connection.
- Recognise a round peg that may be in a square hole, and provide feedback and assistance to either reshape or move elsewhere, to everyone’s benefit.
- Finally, and perhaps most importantly. Ensure there is a sense of psychological safety for the mentee, such that they are prepared to open up, knowing that there are no negative repercussions, just advice and acceptance. This will only happen over time, and assumes that the relationship has evolved positively.
- Not every mentor/mentee relationship will work, and there should be no hesitation for either party to acknowledge that, and move on.
Why invest the time in mentoring
- Every enterprise needs to build a functional and leadership ‘bench’. People move on, and around. A successful enterprise ensures that there are processes in place to renew management and leadership capability that are robust and continuously improving, so that they can accommodate those movements of individuals.
- It is a means to identify and develop those skills that will be of benefit to both the enterprise and the individual.
- Mentoring is a powerful way to build personal and functional networks. This enables problem solving and collaboration on a scale much wider than would happen in the absence of a mentoring process.
- Teaching, or mentoring, is the process of breaking down and addressing challenges and problems, considering options, and their possible outcomes. Engaging in such a process improves the capability of the mentor, as much as it does that of the mentee.
- It is simply making a contribution, not only to the mentee, but to the organisation and wider community.
What makes a good mentor?
- They need to be keen to do it, and enjoy the process
- They must engage with the mentee, and show they value learning, and teaching, and learning as they go from the act of teaching.
- They will encourage mentees to go out of their comfort zone, continually expanding it by way of active listening and Socratic questioning.
- They provide regular, formal and informal feedback, and articulate the paths to improvement.
- They are experts, and willing to share that expertise.
- They show the mentee the value of being mentored, what is in it for them.
- Leads by example.
- Recognises that the process is one of education, not training. Educating implies developing an open and critical analysis of situations, and formulation of tactics that reflect that situation. By contrast, training implies the application of a template that tells you what to do, which may not always be the optimum reaction. The ‘Why’ is always more important than the ‘What’ in a conversation.
What makes a good mentee?
- Watches and learns from the mentor
- Critically evaluate the lessons taken from the mentor and actively discuss the implications and application of the lessons.
- Willing and able to engage in the process
- Puts a high priority on the relationship with the mentor, without becoming dependent
- Actively engages in mutual critical thinking in the setting of goals, improvement initiatives, and improvement milestones.
- Is able to accept negative feedback when it comes, by seeing it as an opportunity to improve, rather than an attack on performance.
A final observation. In this day of #metoo and great sensitivity about the relationships of all types between genders in the workplace, we have to be absolutely transparent. The majority of mentoring relationships, at least in the near future, will be between a woman and an older man, someone who has the power by virtue of position and influence that can be leveraged for the benefit of the younger woman. In some instances this may create an obstacle absent in a mono gender relationship.
